From: Crew Scheduling Headquarters
To: The Department of Crew Field Personnel
Subject: Wanted Mostly Alive: Captain Bert “Maverick Junior” Botta
This is an All-Points Bulletin on a white, bald, male Caucasian, age 82. The suspect was originally listed as 5’9” tall, most likely shrunk now to 5’7” because of accelerated aging, 180 pounds with a dark, swarthy complexion.
He has been known under many aliases and disguises: “Bugs” Botta, “Maverick Junior” Botta, Buffalo Heart, The Copywriter, B1, Captain Cashew Nuts, Airline Captain, Netjets Jock, The Coach, among various others.
He’s known to be armed with a strange, wry sense of humor and considered dangerous to those who have unrealistic expectations of him.
He’s been seen recently frequenting the area around North McDowell Road in Petaluma, where he and a beautiful Latina woman, thought to be his wife, have a home.
“Maverick Junior” is reported to be threatening to those who aren’t capable of loving their wives and lives the way he does.
Our records indicate he and this woman were married in January of 2009. Then in July of the same year he and the woman surfaced again in San Rafael at a private ceremony reported to be a second wedding, attended by members of “The Family.”
The suspect is purported to be an expert at analyzing, infiltrating and influencing the mind of his many victims.
This skill, which he has developed over the past twenty years through his concentrated travel and acquaintance with a Messiah who calls himself Jesus, enables him to learn intimate details about his victim’s lives before committing his crimes of passionate spiritual intervention.
“Maverick Junior” was born of loving parents and raised in a tough, lower middle-class neighborhood of San Francisco. He attended Catholic grammar school where the suspect first began to demonstrate his penchant for crimes of uninhibited love for others.
Botta fronted as an altar boy for a Catholic priest, Father Ed “Strangler” Casey. Casey was the known leader of the Bingo numbers racket at St. Finn Barr’s church in the Ingleside district of San Francisco.
The suspect worked the numbers game as a runner for “Strangler” Casey, was heavily influenced by him and took on many of “Strangler Casey’s” ethereal qualities.
Botta’s many crimes include attempted conscious raising, writing without an editorial license, impersonating an airline captain for 35 years, crying in the cockpit, attempted burglary of victims negativity, threatening to change the way people conduct their lives, ripping open his victim’s hearts with his loving intention, and other heinous crimes too shocking to mention.
Exercise extreme caution since “Maverick” Botta is armed with an enlarged heart for mankind and considered dangerous to those who don’t yield to his influence.
If anyone spots the suspect in the field, click this link Headquarters for immediate backup. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect alone as he has been reported to be in possession of an altered state of consciousness and an outrageous sense of joy due to his many attempts at expressing his love for mankind in person and in print.
He has been known to defuse tense situations with his mere presence and disappear before his identity could be obtained.
The Department is offering a reward of 25,000 Heavenly Brownie points for apprehension and study of this man.